It is what it is...but, it doesn't have to be.

There is an expression that never fails to make me bristle.

"It is what it is."

In my view, that is not necessarily so.

Certainly, the intention of this trite platitude is innocuous and, in some contexts, cogent. It simply means, "Accept things you cannot change and don't let them get you down", whether it was a missed commuter train or the local ice cream shop was out of your favourite flavour. 

Which got me thinking. 

Maybe "it" is...but can I do anything about it? 

After all, isn't it a good thing that people like Mother Theresa, Jonas Salk, Oskar Schindler or Albert Schweitzer didn't think that way.

As it has grown in popularity, "it is what it is" has become shorthand for dismissing things, particularly things with which we are uncomfortable. In September, in a televised interview, Donald Trump was presented with data about the staggering death toll due to the Coronavirus pandemic. His response was an off-hand, "it is what it is." 

Really? 

Did the sitting U.S. President just dismiss the daily loss of a thousand American lives out of hand? 

Or

Has he fallen into the trap of trying to move past an uncomfortable situation with a catch phrase, not recognizing that his words, despite their intention, have an impact.

I began to wonder:

What words do I use that have an impact I am not recognizing?

I stumbled on a Tweet from a fellow educator. She suggested that teachers stop referring to a mixed-gendered group of students as "guys'.

I do this all the time and have for 24 years. Certainly, no offense was intended. My meaning was to address all my students in a friendly way, regardless of gender.

Did the students in my class who identified as female take offence?

So, I asked and, almost unanimously, they agreed with a couple shrugging indifferently. They did not mind but, given the choice, they would prefer not to be called "guys".

For the last two months I have challenged myself to change my choice of nouns. Here's what I've done and what I've learned:

• I asked my students to remind me, politely, when I slip.
• I also asked them to come up with a list of gender neutral terms that they would prefer I use. After some comical debate, the following list was created and turned into a poster.

• The poster has been prominently displayed around the classroom as a reminder to me. 
• Any time I make a mistake, I apologize and correct it.
• I've agreed that if I err more than ten times a week...I will buy them each a can of coke. So far, so good, but I am going to drop the number to five in November.

My progress has been good. I catch myself once in a while and I can tell that my students respect my efforts. One girl even told me that she appreciated how hard I was trying.

Old habits are tough to break -- but, with the right support, strategies and incentives, change is possible. It was what it was and now it is something better.